Monday Monday...
I guess I got REAL lax on my vacation - to the point that faithful updating just didn't happen. So, let's see what I can remember...New Years Day - back to work at job 2. It was a normal day. 4 folks that called in and 2 NCNS. Go figure. Nice to see things didn't change much.
Went home from job 2 sick. Sick. SICK. I'm a very warm blooded chick, but yesterday, sore throat, running a fever, achey all over. Son tucked me in on the couch - 2 stadium blankets and a nice heavy throw. Still freezing. Did finally sleep some but definately had the brrrr and "foggy" feeling of a huge cold setting in. I took a couple antibiotics we had kicking around the house and laid back down. I think I dozed off and on and son said I was like buzzing some serious trees and that the windows were shaking. Funny, I didn't hear a thing. But I took some Nyquil and got all doped up for the night and went to bed. I'm a bit congested today and a bit achey, but over all, I feel pretty good. THANK YOU GOD!
I'm really enjoying my new car. Truck. I'm having trouble saying truck too. I've had a van, suburban and a car, but never a truck. New thing for me. I just call it a Blazer and son reminds me it's a truck. Alright already - truck truck truck...
I was figuring bills, etc and I think I should be able to take all money earned at job 2 and make 2 car payments a month on this little gem. I'm quite happy about that. And of course, very determined to make it happen.
I have to go to the local college this week and get the book for my 1st online class. I'm nervous but determined. I know it's only one class, but it's a start. I doubt that it will be anywhere near as bad as I've dreamed it up to be in my mind. So, wish me luck there...
Son has finished nothing at the house. Yep, nothing. But he had planned to work on the kitchen oak flooring until I came home sick and 'bout dropped dead on the couch. He didn't want to wake me up. I guess I can forgive him for THAT! :) He said he'll be contacting the city to find out about set backs, etc. (like I know??) for the new construction I want to do. I'm excited about that endeavour.
Let me talk to you about a man I know. He's really a good man. Good hearted, hard worker, pays his bills and child support - ON TIME. He's really really tried to love me but I just push him away. He's told me repeatedly that I carry alot of hurt and anger for my ex-husband. I of course fire back with "no I don't." And how when we "discuss" things he's not arguing with me, he's fighting with my ex. I again rip off a line of "no you aren't." But in all honesty, he is. Friday night I felt like it all came crashing down. He's no longer speaking to me and I can't blame him. But I've hurt him and that's the worst thing. I do hate my ex-husband and all the horrible, rotten things he's said and done to me. I completely lost who I am by trying to be what he wanted how he wanted, blah blah blah. I really thought I had a better handle on it until now though. I've emailed Really Good Man (since he won't take my calls) and tried to appologize to him and told him he was right, about almost all of it, trying to explain that I don't know how to change it or make it different, but that I at least acknowledge it. And he's not speaking to me. I suck. I couldn't possibly feel any worse about any of this. His not speaking to me definately serves me right and probably hurts me as much as I've hurt him. I would appreciate at least an acknowledgement of my efforts but it sure seems like more than I deserve right now. I hate this mess I've made.
I'm still going to the backer-cracker. Hip is still out. He just can't get it to go. I have yet another appt tomorrow afternoon. Please GOD, let the hip go in so I can quit going AND feel better!
Ok, that's about all the catchin' up I can do. It's strange but nice to be back to work today. Remind me of that in 5-6 weeks when we're all crabby and hating it.
Have a super week ladies!
The heart remembers best what it has loved the most.
� grizmom at
2006-01-02
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